I’ve Never Dad-ed so Hard
My one year old had enjoyed his meal thoroughly. That odd mix of apple sauce, home-made guacamole, mac & cheese, water, milk, and grilled chicken was all over him. It was also all over the floor, counter and wall near him. It was one of those messes that makes a caregiver sigh, but also smile. He’s still in that adorable phase so I can’t really get mad at him. He knows it too. I know this, because of what happened later.
Fast forward to bath time.
Towards the end of bath time I hear fart bubbles from the youngest. This is a sign he’s ready to poop, obviously, so I move quickly to get him out of the tub. My goal should have been to put him over the potty, but we’ve not officially started potty training him yet so I didn’t think of this while in my panic.
What do I do? I shout for the five-year-old to get me a diaper.
Why? Wife is watching TV with her mom and can’t hear me calling her.
Wesley (my five-year-old) runs down the hallway giggling, throws a handful of diapers at me from outside the bathroom, and turns off the bathroom lights while closing the door. It’s now pitch black.
Again, distracted, this causes me to put Theo (my one-year-old) down, turn the lights back on while shouting at Wes to get back to the bathroom so I can scold him and then pick the diapers up.
The one-year-old proceeds to poop on my foot while I shout. Then giggles and give me an oops” face.
Wesley gets back to the bathroom just in time to see that I’ve started to clean myself up. I lecture him a bit. Anther mistake on my part.
Theo peed on the floor while I was lecturing Wes.
I, of course, didn’t notice this until I turn around and see Theo trying to get back into the tub. He’s small enough that its unsafe for him to do so. In my rush to grab him before he falls into the still full tub I slip on the slick wet floor and fall flat on my ass.
It was such a frustrating and painful experience, but makes seems to be a funny story. My mom laughed at me on the phone while I told it. MIL nearly fell out of her chair when I later explained what had gone on and why there was yelling.
Wife? It is now days after the “incident” and she randomly breaks out into laughter.
Me? My ass and elbow still hurt from Dading so hard.