5 Reasons It’s Hard for Me to Make Friends

My experience of making friends in one’s thirties tells me that it is nearly impossible. Work, kids and general adult responsibilities get in the way of friendship building for me everyday. The close friendships that I have now were made in my twenties or my teens. I’ve made many acquaintances since I turned thirty a few years ago, but none of them have been more than that. We say “Hi” if we happen to see each other out and about or will make an occasional phone call when something comes up. No worries, I get it. Its easier to be my acquaintance than to be my friend:

Religion is not my thing.

I’ve spent decades in religion as many things: an outsider, a believer, a pastor’s kid, a volunteer, an employee and a skeptic. I’ve seen faith, specifically a blind faith and an uninformed faith, cause so many hurts that it has turned me off to religion on a personal level. There are good people who have faith. There are also horrible people who have faith.

Homophobia isn’t cool.

The number of friends I’ve given up (or been shunned by) because of their homophobia is surprising to me. My dad came out as gay a number of years ago. Through the process of me going from believing the lies my childhood church told me about “those people” to finding out that human sexuality is a spectrum, I’ve grown as a person. My dad and I have stayed friends and we talk on a regular basis. I’ve also seen what homophobia can do to a person when their entire world is ripped apart because of it. Having that experience makes me unsympathetic to those who hate out of ignorance.

I don’t hang out with smokers.

Many years ago smoking was cool and medical science didn’t know that it was bad for you. We now know that even third hand smoke is bad for people. Anyone who has gone to high school in the last 50 years or so knows what smoking can do to the human body. Why anyone would do that is beyond me.

Now, you might say, what about people who eat too much sugar, go sky diving or aren’t vegan? All of those things are choices that don’t directly impact the health of those around them by simply being physically present.

Gun safety is important to me.

The local and national headlines are full of gun shootings every day. Many of these accidental gun deaths and injuries come from people who didn’t take proper precautions with the storage and use of personal firearms. Toddlers find unattended and loaded guns. Parents shoot children who sneaking around house after bedtime. Attackers take guns from those attempting to protect themselves. Guns are more dangerous and less regulated than cars. That needs to be fixed. It also eliminates many people’s homes from my it’s okay to visit with my kid list.

My words can be sharp. 

I’m not very good at filters. If you’re doing something that bothers me I say something. I’ve been that way since I was a kid. It’s a thing I’ve done that kills friendships, promotions and my place in communities.

My feelings get worked up after my subtle comments are missed. I don’t often use very good filters. The message I try to convey using words gets ignored. People get offended by how I say and focus on the offense they pick up from that. I’d make a lousy politician.

On the flip side, If I’m quiet, I’m probably disagreeing with you in my head.